Against All Odds
(c) Marilyn Tinnin, Metro Christian Living
Dolphus Weary had every reason to be a statistic. He carried most of the baggage necessary to qualify for the ¨children at risk¨ label. He was poor. He was African American. He spent most of his childhood in a single parent household. During the ¨Jim Crow¨ era of Mississippi´s tainted past, great ambitions in the heart of a young man of color were not encouraged or desired. As an understandably angry teenager, he boarded a bus bound for California in 1967. A basketball scholarship to Los Angeles Bible College had afforded him this unusual opportunity, and it would be his ticket out. The one thing he knew without question was that he was never coming back to Mississippi.
To look at Dolphus today, it is hard to envision the little boy who spent the first part of every school year in the cotton fields of Simpson County. As the CEO of Mission Mississippi, he looks more like the son of a bank president than a sharecropper. His wide smile and gregarious personality reveal a man with a huge heart who is loved and respected in many board rooms across the nation and the world. Dolphus Weary´s story is about success, perseverance, faith, and blessing, but it is also about overcoming adversity on all fronts time and time again.
Rosie Camper Weary, like her husband, longed to leave Mississippi forever. Following her high school graduation in 1968, she had walked away from a full scholarship to Alcorn and struck out for Los Angeles Bible College with all of seven dollars in her purse. On the steamy summer day when Rosie and four others packed up a Volkswagen and headed west for the promised land, she had not received an acceptance letter from the school. But as a brand new Christian, she was certain she was following God´s leading. He would surely provide whatever she needed. She was not disappointed. Not only did He provide the basics, He threw in the tall handsome basketball star who had once been a regular passenger on her father´s school bus.
Although Rosie and Dolphus had known each other during high school, the two had never had a date. Following his Freshman year, Dolphus returned to Mendenhall hoping to find a summer job in a bank or a department store—a job that would have some status. Such a position would send a positive message to other young Black men that college made a difference. But the year was 1968, and the only jobs available for young men of his race were the same ones that he had always had, and none of them carried any status. Dolphus prepared to head off to Washington, D.C., to capture the summer job he wanted. It was John Perkins, however, who persuaded Dolphus to stay at home. The Civil Rights battle was heating up, and Dolphus had tremendous respect for John and Vera Perkins´ Mendenhall Ministries work. They were embracing an uphill struggle to turn the tide of racial discrimination in Mississippi. A part of Dolphus wanted to leave and a part of Dolphus wanted to stay. John Perkins is a very persuasive man. And so, Dolphus and three others from the Bible College, under John and Vera Perkins´ tutelage, created a summer program for 15 Black churches in Simpson County. Rosie joined the team mid–summer, and made the seemingly impulsive decision to return to California with her new friends at summer´s end.
When John and Vera discovered the sad shape of Rosie´s finances, they were worried for her. Rosie says, ¨As we were leaving, they came out to the car and expressed their concern because no arrangements had been made for me. The next week they sent me a check for $25. That was a lot of money at that time. By then I had gotten a job in the cafeteria as part of the work study program. I knew I had to count every penny. I knew Dolphus had a checking account, and I asked him if he would keep the money for me until I needed it. In four years, I never needed it. The Perkins also contacted a church in Burbank, one that they had connections with from the days when they lived in California. That church came out and paid my bills!¨
The Wearys began dating steadily in Rosie´s sophomore year. By the time Dolphus asked Rosie to marry him in February of 1970, their future plans did, in no way, include a permanent home in Mississippi. It was impossible, however, to avoid the thoughts of home, the incredible poverty and the lack of hope they knew existed in the world they had left behind. Their strong relationship with John and Vera Perkins meant that they were painfully aware of the monumental task the Perkins were faithfully attempting to tackle. It seemed there was always a small voice whispering to Dolphus as he was completing seminary and planning to go to the mission field. ¨Dolphus, are you going to a mission field, or are you running from one?¨
Change of Plans
Weeks of wrestling and arguing with God resulted in an eventual surrender. Finally, Dolphus told Rosie that he felt God was calling them back to the place they had both been so eager to leave. Rosie, at first, was not so sure. But, like everything else since the moment they decided to marry, they agreed to pray about it and keep an open mind. Rosie, who says that as a new bride, ¨I had absolutely no idea what to expect marriage would be like. I had grown up with a very controlling father and saw little affection expressed between my parents. I had no other examples to study. I wanted the kind of relationship I saw between husbands and wives on television even though I was not sure that could happen in real life…¨ (Editor´s note: We´re talking the era of ¨Leave it to Beaver¨ and ¨Ozzie and Harriet!¨)
She did not need to fear. Her husband was not controlling. He has always believed as she has that they are partners for life. Considering the fact that Dolphus had grown up in a fatherless home, he, like Rosie, was not certain what a healthy husband wife relationship should look like. Miraculously, even in this early on decision to return to Mississippi, Dolphus did not presume that he would make the decision with no input from Rosie. Speaking candidly on how he arrived at his concept of being a good husband, he says, ¨I think one of the things for me—because I came out of a broken relationship and also because I had sat under the ministry of John Perkins, I knew that marriage had to be something that was for keeps…that we were making a decision to get married and have children and really begin to model what a family was supposed to be…and I was so hungry for a family. I knew that marriage would not be something I could jump into and right out of if it did not work…¨ Consequently, Rosie has never had to wonder about her place on Dolphus Weary´s priority list.
You might say they are the perfect complement. He is outgoing and always in the forefront leading the charge and engaging others. She is soft spoken, supportive, and easy going, but Rosie is very much her own person. Daughter Danita describes her mother as ¨the greatest prayer warrior I know.¨ Somehow, Dolphus and Rosie, because of their mutual respect for each other and their belief that God will lead if they ask, seldom find themselves pulling in opposite directions.
So in this first potential battle of the wills, Rosie agreed to return to Mississippi telling Dolphus that she prayed about it and, ¨I´ve decided that I´m going to go where my husband´s heart is. I have to tell you I don´t feel the same call, so I´ll go reluctantly. But if God is calling you to a great work, I think he´s calling me to an equally great work—being your wife.¨
Dolphus calls Rosie, ¨the greatest utility player of all time.¨ Rosie´s supportive decision to return to Mississippi was one in a long list of adapting her life to the vision God revealed to the couple. She has been a secretary, a nurse´s aid, a community health worker, and a gracious hostess who can entertain the masses. For the little girl who left Mississippi determined to be something new and exciting like a model, she has graciously taken on a great deal of ¨foot washing¨ kinds of chores. She says, ¨I worked wherever John Perkins and Dolphus said we needed something. Not that I wouldn´t do it all exactly the same way all over again. I sometimes look back and wonder ´what if.´ But, then, I think everyone does.¨
As the ministry at Mendenhall was expanding, so was the Weary family. Daughter Danita was born in 1973 and brother Reggie joined the family in 1976. As far as Dolphus and Rosie were concerned their family was complete. Amid the trials and tempests of involvement in the ministry and the erratic, often brutal, blows that were an inevitable part of working for racial equality during that stormy period, the Wearys faced numerous faith challenges in their personal lives. A flood wreaked havoc on their home. Their seven–year–old son, who eventually recovered, was diagnosed with cancer. Dolphus´ efforts to secure funds and volunteers to improve conditions for the poverty plagued community in Mendenhall required much travel and much time away from home. Life was not without stress.
Rosie considers this period among the toughest of all the things the pair has faced during their marriage. ¨Traveling meant we stayed in people´s homes most of the time. I felt like I had to be sure my children were perfect, that they never behaved like children in other people´s homes. Eventually, we decided that it was just too stressful to travel all the time with small children, and so I stayed home. That was really hard, too. But there was never any doubt that we were where God wanted us to be.¨
Surprise Surprise
Finally Danita and Reggie were ten and twelve. Much had been accomplished in Mendenhall. There was a Christian school, a medical clinic with competent staffing, a growing church, and the community was filled with hope and optimism. Rosie even considered going back to school. Dolphus says they were ¨floating,¨ since things seemed to be on the upward trend. How like God to send a surprise.
It was Christmas of 1987 and as the Wearys completed their family tradition of exchanging Christmas gifts, Rosie presented her husband with one last present. Dolphus unwrapped a box and peeked inside only to discover several items like diaper pins, baby booties, and bottles….¨ They both had mixed feelings about this unexpected addition to the family. Rosie´s memories of Dolphus´ travels and the 24/7 responsibilities of caring for two babies by herself left her with some angst over starting all over again. Ryan Weary entered the world on July 23, 1987. It took about thirty seconds for his parents to wonder why they ever considered their family complete without him.
Dolphus says, ¨Ryan has always been a joy, but we had no idea how much a greater joy he would be until we faced our greatest challenge in our lives—the loss of Reggie.¨
Dolphus had assumed the helm of the blossoming ministry called Mission Mississippi in 1998. It seemed in so many ways life could not get much better for the Weary family. Mission Mississippi was making great strides in racial reconciliation. A second ministry, the Rural Education and Leadership Foundation which Rosie and Dolphus had founded when they left Mendenhall, was seeing God´s blessing. Good things were happening in Jackson and good things were happening back in Mendenhall.
Disaster strikes
But on June 24, 2004, Dolphus and Rosie received the phone call that is every parent´s nightmare. Reggie had lost his life in a car accident just minutes before. Dolphus remembers, ¨I talked to Reggie at 9:30 that night and since then I have thought ´if only´ so many times. If only I had persuaded him to come home, it would not have happened. But I realize, too, that I can´t fix it or change it.¨It was certainly not the first heartbreak this pair had confronted, but it was by far the most painful of all. However, even in those first grief filled days, Dolphus and Rosie could trace God´s hand.
Six months earlier, as Dolphus, Rosie, Danita, Reggie, and Ryan held their traditional January 1 family get–together, they had discussed everyone´s personal goals and plans for the new year. Reggie had shared with them that he and his girlfriend were expecting a baby. His parents had a difficult time dealing with such news since there had been no mention of marriage. ¨That was such a shock to us,¨ Dolphus says. ¨It took us about a month to deal with the idea, to realize that we were to love our son and love this child whether or not the parents ever married.¨ Dolphus counts it as one among many blessings in the aftermath of Reggie´s accident that he and his son were not estranged and that Reggie knew his mom and dad were going to be loving grandparents to this new life.
Dolphus adds, ¨Exactly two months to the day—right to the very hour of the phone call that changed our lives—we received another phone call. Little Reggie had been born. Wow. That was powerful.¨
Rosie and Dolphus, as Grandma and Pops, are the most doting grandparents you can imagine. They have been thrilled to have the privilege of keeping their grandson every weekend since he was two weeks old. He has been a very bright spot in their journey of grief. No doubt, these two will bring untold blessing to this little boy who did not have the chance to know his father.
As Dolphus and Rosie continue to see a Christian counselor who has been invaluable in helping them work through the grief process, they offer wise advice to others who find themselves in a similar place. ¨We all need to have someone to guide us through that process because we all handle grief differently. It is easy for different family members to criticize and judge and misunderstand one another because we all have different ways of handling grief,¨ Dolphus says.
Rosie agrees. ¨…and do not let anyone else dictate to you what you ´should´ or ´should not´ do. Don´t feel guilty about your own time frame. You can be moving along and doing fine and then all of a sudden something will trigger something and you will have a day when it hurts so much more than it did the day before. Don´t feel guilty about it. It is okay.¨
Both have found God´s grace sufficient every time the hurt wells up inside. Rosie remembers a time months after the accident when she was having a particularly rough day. She was leaving the Medical Mall, got in her car, and as though God himself were speaking just to her, the words of a particular song floated across the airwaves. ¨It spoke of the sovereignty of God and that we don´t have to know the whys in every situation. God is enough and nothing that ever touches us happens because He does not love us.¨
The Weary´s way of handling grief has inspired everyone who knows them. Danita, who is a practicing pediatrician in Natchez, says, ¨I really observed God´s great power by watching my parents. Throughout the most painful experience of our lives, I was amazed at their strength. They reached out to others during that time offering comfort and the assurance that God was still in control. Yes, they cried—we all did, but they did not wallow in their grief. They found a sense of peace in knowing that Reggie was in a far better place.¨
The Weary Influence and Legacy
Danita speaks with great affection of her father´s love for people and of her mother´s quiet, but incredible strength. It is easy to see that even as Dolphus devoted so much of himself to changing the old system in Mississippi, he never lost sight of his role as ¨Dad.¨ How did a man who grew up without a father learn to be such a great one? Just as he attributes his ¨husband¨ skills to watching John Perkins, he gives John Perkins most of the credit for whatever father skills he modeled. Working beside John in the early days at Mendenhall, Dolphus observed the effect John had on children just because he took the time to laugh and play.
Ryan´s favorite memories of his father involve play and laughter. It seems the two share a great appreciation for basketball. Ryan, who is gregarious and outgoing like his father, laughs that his mom and dad made a great ¨tag team¨ always expecting the best from their children, but always telling them that life is stressful on its own—therefore, ¨never take anything more seriously than it needs to be.¨
Danita described her dad´s greatest life lessons. ¨From him I learned to face life´s challenges, to always set goals so I know where I am going, and to always remember the community around me. We didn´t have much when I was growing up, but he taught me to appreciate what we did have.¨
Dolphus celebrated his 60th birthday this year. Rosie, Ryan, and Danita hosted a surprise party at the Richland Community Center, and several hundred friends—emceed by his son, Ryan and daughter, Danita—he was joined by several hundred filling the Richland Community Center on a weeknight. The angry young man who was ¨never comin´ back¨ was roasted and toasted for hours by black and white—friends, Mission Mississippi staff, family—they were all together quite integrated and quite comfortable laughing, talking and enjoying the moment as though things had always been exactly this way. The Dolphus stories went on for hours. Nobody laughed harder than Dolphus did at himself. The Weary legacy is apparent. The train may not have completely arrived, but it is a long way from the place where it began when Dolphus and Rosie got onboard back in 1971. Racial reconciliation is a work in progress, thanks to men like Dolphus Weary.
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